As I promised- you all had great weather over the two days and I trust you all also had a good time, especially at the Notty.

Our Ladies certainly did and they know how to celebrate a win, as well, without even taking stick to ball! Without exaggeration several of them had taken the holy waters early, then went to support the mens' teams (very well done), still swigging, my informant tells me, with the vocal volume reaching new crescendos.

After the games they were seen staggering up to the Notty, some with shiny eyes, some slightly bloodshot, red cheeks (which could have been the cold), wide smiles and still loud. Millhouse, through slurred speech, insisted that they were not p----d. More serious drinking but with Albert's super pies to help layer the gut, followed. Amy, you ought to drink even more!

I did notice Ray enjoying his mastery of the quiz machine, as he carried at least 3 girls through the questions for 40 minutes. There's no substitute for experience,girls! Also noted were Ali's spotted shorts.

Well supported, the 4's had a stonking 4-0 win. The 2's played very well, especially in the first 35, but eventually went down 7-3 to the league leaders with Andy Ellis being even more exposed than an eskimo with a fur loin cloth!

Sunday saw a turgid affair in the bottom of the table clash with the lads from Barford, eventually ending in a 1-1 draw. Barford should have been buried in the first half. It's not good for the pacemakers, fellas with Toul's grandpa and the writer both suffering palpitations, not helped by some pretty indifferent control, it must be said.

Big thanks must go to the vocal support given to our boys...I must go to the portaloo more often, as we seem to score (late) goals then.......!

Anyway, it makes the season even more interesting and we might have to consider the odd coach trip, if.......but as we WILL beat Belper(A) and Donnie at HOME ON THE 28th MARCH, this could be academic.

To finish off this report - by the way, did anybody notice the gap in Fruitbat's front tooth, allegedly happened (rumour has it) whilst snogging heavily - the pre-bookings for the End of Season Awards Dinner are going exceptionally well with a month to go (no bullshit) so get in touch soon or you WILL miss out. Hope to have tickets ready later this week when money/cheques must change hands.

I ask again- does any erudite, extrovert student wish to speak at the event? Most welcome but must avoid parochial in-jokes and navel gazing. C'mon, let the inner flower flourish!

Finally, as the end of a most enjoyable season draws to a close, please be available for the remaining games, please keep in touch with the Club and please let your captains know your intentions as we hope to organise lots of pre-season friendlies. See you at the Notty this Saturday but do get in touch if you want to ENJOY yourself on the 16th!.

Bob
Submitted by banzai

It is now 8am on Monday and, suitably refreshed, having had a nice mug of Horlicks last night and a decent kip, I return to this machine to re-write my report which will (hopefully) be read by more than just my devoted fan, Christina "Tiger" Woods, for whom black suits as it did the little Irish minx - but more of that anon.

What of the exploits on the pitch? On this occasion peripheral really, although the "mighty" 8th's recorded back to back wins and our ladies won 4-2 at the "sparrow fart" start time of 10.30 am at Donnie - it was a good day for them but, again, more of that later.

The Men's 1's went down fighting-5-3- to league leaders Deeside Ramblers with their imported and very expensive big stars, levelling at 3-3 with about 10 to go.

We must now draw a veil across the results but open the curtain to a most enjoyable evening - THE SUBHC RACE NITE 2 - at the NOTTY. A rather well known group once sang "..it was a really good night, it really was..."and it appeared to be so. And those who missed out were the losers!

So, who were the winners?

Without doubt centre stage - BIG STYLE - was dominated by 14 magnificent girls. Probably the strongest side ever fielded to date! Clearly showered, with J'Dore, Gucci, Clarins et al in delicate evidence. In their party frocks they looked superb. When one then noted the way they'd topped off their ensembles with an array of hats and facinators - the visions were [censored]ing GREAT! ALI, team leader par excellence had spent all week buying up all the hats from all the local charity shops for her team - well worth it girl!

Suddenly, one couldn't help but notice the amount of cleavage being shown - no complaints mind - and then all was revealed, figuratively speaking, that there was to be a "GUESS the BRA SIZE" Comp. The heat in the room - already at fever pitch with the racing - rose several degrees higher! Mug shots of 13 lovelies (what a difference a shower and war paint makes) were handed out for the lads, including several well turned out dudes from Leicester to complete. We had a tie at 5 correct answers between a member of the 4th team (who wishes to remain anon) and Gissum with the latter winning the tie break question by a mere cup size - which ALI asked - "how many Bras do I own?" (you'd have thought Liam would have known the answer!) 7 was the closest answer but in fact the true figure was in fact a whopping 27!!! What do we know, fellas?

I then asked another, luscious member of the ladies team..and how many do you own,dear? Quick as a flash(as they say) came the reply, 35... ..and are they for every occasion asked the innocent questioner and even quicker came the quip.."no they're for each man!" (lost for words, the questioner retreated, silently weeping 36 tears.

Moving seamlessly on as they say, we had a quick fashion parade for the "two Top Totty" awards and Squeaks in a delightful spotted number and Millhouse in a gorgeous green creation swept the prizes. It was fair to say that both were wearing frocks with a fair amount of decolletage (look it up you freshers).

BRAvo ladies you did SUBHC proud and we salute you.

There were other highlights and, after women and drink, it's fair to say food plays a huge part in most students lives and, once more, the Notty did us proud with a geat array of hot and cold treats, with well known gourmands such as Mole, Eberlin, Oscar (Sundown was absent) and a few others being well stuffed..and there was a bit left! Thank you Paul "Dodger" and his team and a special thank you too, to Richy and his girls, for once more being so supportive.

I hope lots of you won good money and for once, this writer, did show a small profit on the bets thanks to Jim Lad and number 7. However, Squeaks hat was festooned with losing slips but to a good cause.

Further plaudits must go to our silky smooth MC - Davy Moore - who once again held everybody in thrall (ok so I exagerrate a bit) and again won the best dressed Dude prize... and with "a little Moore" due in 2 weeks time! Touli, the Totemaster and his team of Jim, Simon, Joe and Dave who did a super pro job, our techno man the one and only Steve "Bovril" Brook, despite having man flu and a VERY SEXY voice also stepped up to the plate,in true trouper style. Last but not least(I forgot to mention him the last time)we had the Master of the Horse,in Ray,with his unique selling style, tho' successful, would have had him hauled before the governors or Esther Rantzen, if it was applied at school! but we at SUBHC thank you, sir.

BUT, But without YOU! YOU! and YOU we would not have an event, so my final BIG THANKS goes to all of YOU who helped make this a DOUBLE D event--BRAvo.

Sunday produced a fighting 0-0 draw, from the Men's 1's agin the no.3 side, even after the exertions of the previous night with my MEN o' the MATCH being Si in goal and Becky (two days running)! It was good to see the lovely Zoe, also looking gorgeous, supporting the guys. What can you say about the Beeching brothers? Popeye turns up, happy to buy a programme but only has 90 [censored]pence on him. We took pity on him but please don't tell Lorraine! Generally, a poor crowd for a Sunday home game but I suppose there were other games being played and after a night of much excess, it was only to be expected but it's now time to bring the curtain to a close on what has been a really FEEL GOOD weekend..."oh what a night it was..it really was..."

Bob
Submitted by banzai

Had just completed the above-rather good one I thought-5 minutes ago and this thing went down so Dave it's time for my Holicks..that's it.
Will do one tomorrow. Good night.Bob
[Submitted by banzai]

Filthy, damp, cold and generally a horrid day all round.

The 2's scraped a 2-1 win in the dying minutes of their game, taking Rotherham's goals against to 102! Jabba, with a set of juggable misses, eventually rose from the team's comatose state, picked up his mat and scored from a metre out. Praise be to the Lord!

The highlight for me, in the ladies "must win" game, was Ray's umpiring which put his colleague's inconsistency to shame. In the end we got what we deserved - nothing - and did miss Rampant. It was,however, good to see both Amy and Zoe(M o M) back in harness, both of whom we need in the run in, as we have slipped to 3rd bottom. Irrespective of this setback the ladies were in good form back at the Notty and, I hope when they are all working they realise how many drinks they owe me!

Our M's 1's got an away draw - very commendable, I'm guessing - but by and large poor results elsewhere. Hey ho! There's always next week.
BIG, BIG WEEKEND COMING UP - Deeside Ramblers (the league leaders) playing our Men's 1's at 1.30 and then later, it's RACE NITE 2 - our second BIG FEEL GOOD FACTOR FUNCTION - so hurry up and get your event tickets this week. All 56 horses have been sold. See your Skipper or get in touch with me. £5.00 gets you a nosebag of good grub!

Then on the SUNDAY, the Men's 1s play Leek in the re-arranged game, hopefully at fortress Goodwin (please check). You do not have to drink to excess lads. We'll do that for you! SEE YOU ALL AT THE NOTTY!

That's it for now.
Bob.
PS for Smitty-BACK TO BASICS!

[Submitted by Banzai]

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